Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Why I Don't Have Girlfriends

For the record -

  1. I don't hate women. Women harbor a strong dislike for me, not the other way around.
  2. I am a woman.
  3. I find people of all genders to be annoying, not only women but most definitely people that squeal while jumping up and down.

I came across the video below on Upworthy today. I don't understand the women in this video at all. I cannot empathize with them and I spend a lot of time every day trying to empathize with people so I can practice not being a complete asshole. Point is, I've got this empathy thing down. It's not me, it's them.

Watch this:

What's the message here? Are college graduates ready to take on the world? No. They never are - because the world hits you in the face like a fucking sledge hammer. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. Reality will cut a bitch.

Wait, maybe this is about being afraid? Afraid of what? Men have the same fears that these women are talking about. Men are afraid of failure too. Men are afraid of not fitting in too. I know men that are afraid of the weird man in their closet. See, it's not just me.

Why is that woman afraid to be a musician (aside from the broke, homeless, struggling artist thing)? Why is the other woman afraid to admit to being an Emmy award winning writer? Or a ballerina? When will I learn how to spell ballArina (thank you spell check for correcting my accent)?

Maybe it's because I'm not sweet or maybe it's because I'm not nice or maybe it's because I'm not beautiful that I have been told, all my life, that my biggest asset is my brain.

For as long as I can remember people have told me that I'm smart.

I'm intelligent.

I have a good head on my shoulders.

I have common sense.

And street smarts. (Is that the same as common sense?)

I'm a fucking genius.

My parents, my teachers, my siblings, my friends - they've always told me that I'm a natural born leader. And you know what? When I graduated college I never would have thought of myself as a leader. Because I was a kid and kids just graduating college don't know anything about themselves or what they want to be when they grow up. Because they are babies and have yet to experience the game of Life and all its joys.

Maybe the fact that I've always been told I'm smart and can be anything I want to be and everybody I know will still love me is why I don't understand why the women in that video are afraid of - what? What are they afraid of? I totally don't understand this video. Women are so fucking difficult.

Ladies, you are holding yourselves back! Get out there and go get what you want. It's 2013 for Christ's sake!

Women. Rule. The. Fucking. World.

Nothing would ever happen if we weren't getting shit done so stop letting The Man get you down. We're already doing everything you say you're afraid of. Come join us. We've been running the show since the dawn of time.

Grow a vagina and fucking fill it with Girl Power.