Dating: This Is Not The Answer

I don't date because I have really, really bad taste in men. People who've known me for a while can confirm that I pick some real winners. Let's review a few of my past boyfriends, shall we?

• There was the guy that I caught cheating on me. Twice. (I had to climb a tree to catch him that second time but it was totally worth it.)
• There was the other guy who thought we should "breed" because he was tall and I was smart. (Smart enough to get the fuck outta there.)
• Then there was the guy with the secret meth lab in his house. (No word of a lie, People.)
• Oh, don't forget the guy that was writing bad checks at Foxwoods Casino. (He was hot. So, so very hot.)

I got mad skillz in the Man-Picking department.

It's safe to say that if a guy has any interest in me there is something inherently wrong with him. The trouble is that I don't know there's something horribly wrong with the guy until a year or two goes by so today I had a brilliant idea!

Date a felon!* 

How's that for beating the Universe at its own game? See? I am smart.

In other news, I might have made a bad decision today...

* Don't worry, People. I'm not going to date a felon but odds of someone I date being convicted of a felony look to be about 50/50.