Lord Help Us, It Snowed In The South

Hey Southerners, here's some things you should know about snow, cars and driving.

1. Don't remove snow from your car with a shovel, you idiot. Use a broom. Preferably a push-broom and watch the paint job.

2. That snow you couldn't be bothered to clear off the top of your car? It's going to kill the person driving behind you when it flies off and hits their windshield, blinding them or breaking it. Either way, the poor schmuck behind you is going off roading because you couldn't be bothered to take a broom to the roof of your car, you lazy bastard.

3. Clear the snow off your headlights and tail lights. It's not rocket science. Snow isn't see through.

4. Stop fucking tailgating. Assholes.

5. Your windshield washer fluid is frozen because mechanics in the South don't believe it gets this cold. Put a bottle of water & dishsoap in your car to spray on your windshield so you can see where the hell you're going.

6. Go home and stay there. Nobody can drive on ice. Nobody.

7. Stop complaining. It snows like this down here once a decade. Fucking enjoy it.

Seriously, how Jacquie Lawson sappy e-card perfect is this scene?

Turns out that Sidekick is a genius.

Yeah, It's Cold. It's Called Winter.

Local schools have a two hour delay tomorrow. Not for snow. Not for freezing rain. There's a two hour delay because it's going to be cold in the morning. The school official types don't want kids to have to wait for their busses in near zero temperatures. Fucking pussies.

Parents, you need to toughen these kids up. Yeah, I know we're in The South but c'mon. Kids can't stand in the cold for 10 minutes?

When I was a kid we didn't have delays because it was cold. Fuck the cold! We had delays for real, tangible shit like a foot of snow or a goddamn hurricane. We also had a school superintendent from Nova Scotia so we didn't have snow days either.

I say that if these kids can zip down a ski slope at top speed or sit in a hunting blind for hours in freezing temperatures, they can certainly wait for a bus for a few minutes in single digit temps.

I don't know, how about dressing the kids in winter clothes or waiting with them? In your warm car.

It's probably a good thing I don't have kids because my tough ass kids would stuff all those cold kids in their lockers. Also, I'd want those kids out of my house as often as possible.

Even in 1989 we knew how to dress for The Cold. Oakleys, Guess jeans and Timberland boots. That's how the cool kids did it.