Monday, May 6, 2013

English to Dog Translation

What I say
“Goodnight, Monkeys. We’re sleeping until 7 tomorrow.”

What They Hear
Boppo: “Lie on the stairs, guard the house, bark randomly, scare the shit out of everyone.”

Crazy: “Wake me up at 6:49 by whining. Do that barely audible, breathy whine that you do because it lets me know you care and I like it a lot”

Sidekick: “We’re sleeping until 8 but you should bitch slap me at precisely 12:37 with a paw so I know you’re in full REM sleep.”

Doodle: “We’re getting up at 2:14 to crap. I’ll need you to wake me up by scratching the walls and side of the bed while frantically running back and forth into the hallway. Then we’ll do it all again at 4:14.”

This is not a pig.