Monday, April 22, 2013

Lights Are On But Nobody's Home

I have a horrible memory. Awful. I live in a bubble that is exactly this moment in time only. I dated a guy for seven years and I have no idea what color his eyes are. I’ll forget your name two seconds after you tell it to me even though I repeated it three times. If Beast Master disappeared and I had to describe him to the police all I’d come up with is “He has a very round head”.

When you have a memory like mine every day is full of suprises! Like when I order six items from Amazon and they’re all shipped separately and from different vendors. Last week I went to Amazon, pressed ‘Place Order’ and immediately forgot about it.

Two days later a packaged arrived and I thought that someone had sent me a gift. It was cereal. Close enough to a gift, I really like this cereal. The next day another box arrived and I thought that maybe my sister or mom loves had sent me a gift. They hadn’t and I honestly can’t remember what was in the box. Odds are on more cereal. That same day my Lucky Vitamin order arrived and even with their happy green logo printed on every side of the box I couldn’t remember why I’d placed an order with them or what was in it but I was hoping it wasn’t vitamins. It wasn’t, it was stuff for the dogs.

This week a teensy little box arrived from KV Vet Supply and I absolutely could not imagine what was in it or why someone would send me a gift from there. Nobody did. It was Boppo’s arthritis supplement.

Also arriving this week were two other packages. I don’t remember what was in them or where they came from but it's a little insane sad that no matter how many times this happens my first thought is "Yay! A present! For me!"

Do you see how Amazon fucks with my head?

Every single time a box arrives Beast Master and I have this conversation;

Beast: Whadya get?
Me: I don’t know! Do you think someone sent me something?
Beast: Didn’t you just order stuff?
Me: I don’t know! Did I? What did I order? Wasn’t that, like, last month?
Beast: ... No, it was Monday. Open it.
Me: Squeee! You open it, I’m too excited!
Beast: I’m not opening it. You ordered it, you open it.
Me: Weeeee!I’mtooexcited!Maybeit’sagift!Maybesomebodylovesme! OPEN IT!
Beast: Sigh.

Every. Time.
Why he asked me to remind him about something is beyond me.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Ghetto Spell Check

I spent a good bit of time quietly saying "Save whatever you IS working on" before deciding that Spell Check is just trying get me fired for stupidity.