We're all having trouble adjusting.
|This one has opted to start sleep-shitting instead of adjusting|
I'm a consultant and my last gig was pretty sweet because I worked from home! In the consulting world it's rare to get a contract that allows you to work from home. I was spoiled. I got used to it. I forgot basic things about being in public. Like manners and
Things I have to remember now that I don't work from home...
- Don't fart.
- Don't crack my gum or blow bubbles. According to the lady in the cube in front of me, gum cracking makes people homicidal.
- I'm very loud. I think these people are going to have to get used to it.
- Other people don't eat five times a day. They only give me the stink eye because they're jealous.
- Don't walk around the office barefoot because eiw.
- Don't sit Indian style, especially when wearing a skirt.
- Constantly getting up to stand at my desk or wander around the office appears to be something only weirdos do.
- My coworkers will assume I'm doing lines in the bathroom because I drink about 60oz of water, coffee, and tea which means I will knock people down on my way to the bathroom every 30 minutes.
- Seriously, don't fart.
- And don't burp either.
- Don't pick my nose or my ass.
- People will roam the halls and streets with their heads up their
assesphones and when they crash into me it will be my fault because I'm;
- an idiot
- all of the above
- Wear pants - all the time. No exceptions.
- People will ask how my weekend was. Every day they will ask. They will ask on Monday, they will ask on Thursday. The only acceptable answer is "Good!" and then I must reciprocate by asking what they did this weekend and hiding how utterly painful this conversation is.
- Beginning at 10am on Friday's people will want to know if I have BIG PLANS! this weekend. Acceptable answers are:
- Nope, just relaxing.
- Nothing much, just relaxing.
- BASE JUMPING! yelled very loudly.
- Unacceptable answers to the BIG PLANS! question are;
- Stalker much?
- Fuck off.
- COW TIPPING! yelled very loudly
|I'm so professional they're erecting a statue in my honor|