Friday, November 8, 2013

'Tis The Season Of Sickness and Fever Dreams

Somebody at work gave me Rabid Monkey Flu. Or Death. Maybe it's The Cancer. My skin hurts and I have a shooting pain in my left hip. It's hip cancer, I know it. No, I bet it's ass cancer and forever my family can talk about the relative that died of ass cancer in her hip. 'Cause that's how I roll. Ass cancer of the hip. Typical.

I almost made it a decade disease free and then this. This sickness. I'm not a good sick person, I cry a lot when I'm sick. I need love. And cuddles.

Who doesn't enjoy a good fever induced dream or two, right? Last night I dreamed that I found a bag of holiday flavor Dunkin' Donuts coffee inside an empty coffee bag like I'd hidden it just so I could surprise myself in some distant future and be like "Oh snap! Look at this awesome flavored Dunkin' Donuts coffee! It's from moi? Oh moi, I love you!"

Yes, please!
Then I had another dream in which my sister told me how good I look and it's amazing how I lost those last five pounds in just ten days. Thanks, Sis. You're looking good too.

Literally, in my dreams. Also, nice jeans.

Why can't real life be just like our dreams?

Ooooh, right. Because I also had a dream that every time I tried to breathe, my nostrils sealed shut and I was surrounded by a crowd of Southern women in their fifties wearing fluorescent '80s jogging suits saying things like... "Poor thing, look at her suffocating" and "Bless her heart, she's gasping" and "Look at her just floppin' around on the ground". Never once did it occur to me to breathe through my mouth.

Then there was that other dream where I was being chased around a creepy mansion by Sally Creatures and yelling for Beast Master to help me but he completely ignored me. Kinda realistic on that point.

Maybe it's okay that fever induced dreams stay dreams. I do want that coffee though.

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